guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
