fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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