ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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