I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
