Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We have so much sex to catch up on
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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