We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
