did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
