I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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