i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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