I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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