Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
