dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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