All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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