ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
