Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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