i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
