If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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