Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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