i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
