He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
