why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
