so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
