the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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