I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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