I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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