ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
