They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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