I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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