It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
