birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
