Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize