well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
