The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
