I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
