NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
