Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
