I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
