Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
