He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
