Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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