4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
