I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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