Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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