Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize