Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
