Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's the barista slut.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
