True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I need to align my fucking chakras
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