12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
