woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
