Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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