i dont even know how to be here
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
