She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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