I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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