Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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