Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
