Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
