if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize