bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize