how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
