Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
