Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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