And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
