what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
