I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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