one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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