My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize