Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize