I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
