omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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