You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
