Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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