Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
