It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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