Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
