what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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