just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
