I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
