I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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