I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
