Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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