Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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