Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize