Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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