I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
