We won't sleep together?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
4 words: hood of his car
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
