just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I still have a little drunk in my system
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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