I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
