Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
