I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize