there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
