I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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