my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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