u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You are a booty call, not a friend.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
