I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
that is very illegal...i love you.
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