Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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