I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
