I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
what day is it and did you see me today?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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