are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
