The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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