Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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