I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
