I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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