Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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