i'm signing you up for texting rehab
from now on my penis is your penis
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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