the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
